是 妳的问题

才发现
自己变了很多
迈入20岁之后
发生那么多事情
才过了3年而已
但是却是我23年以来经历最多的3年

失去的 很多
得到的 也很多

每件事情都有好坏
每个人都有好坏

人虽负我
我亦负人

以前那个很在意朋友的
熟的 不熟的 生日都记得
没有卡片没有礼物
最低限度也会有个信息
或是一句生日快乐

还是失去了太多
不想要付出了
感觉都会白费
所以不做了
不要说要我记得你的生日
就连一句生日快乐
我根本就是很懒的说
以前都好期待生日
那些祝福我甚至都抄下来
收到的礼物
吃的收到坏
都不舍得吃

什么时候开始
我已经不期待了
怕有人来打扰
但是竟然真的
会有人没来找我的生日
我以为是我想要的
毕竟身边单身的人不多
谁得空情人节跟你庆祝生日啊
然后我还是厚着脸皮
text了几个group
找人跟我lunch
然后就算有人跟我庆生了


我竟然做过这种事



从以前吃不完的蛋糕
听不完的生日快乐

到现在




到底我是怎么了





只是觉得留在身边的人越来越少

追著你們好累

人與人之間可以很簡單
但是一方想要把它變得復雜
你怎麼做都還是無濟於事

也許你自認是個很好的朋友
但別人不領情
可能你是錯的
你自認而已

你試過了
你再試過了

就如你自己所說
不click就是不click
她們倆不約你
從不約你
就不約你啊

你還有你自己
執著什麼


但是你們沒有要約我
拜托瞞著我
你們越覺得這樣沒有問題
媽的
我心越痛


所以我決定了
你們勉強邀我的旅行
對不起無法參與
我怎麼參與

10 / 86400

You have $86400

Someone took away $10

will you chase him back for that $10?

NO

Someone spent 10 seconds

and say something bad about you

Why do you let him ruin 86400 seconds of your day?

Read this somewhere
and then it happened to me
AGAIN

Sometimes I really hope that I do not care about people that don't really matter
but honestly, I'm just human, and I think you and you are mature enough to know what you did is not right
and I was just pretending that I do not know all the damn time

you have your hard times and so do I
do you really NEED someone to tell you not to show your attitude to someone else that did nothing wrong to you?

If there's nothing between us
why all of you have to act that way just in front of me?
people say I am sensitive or I should try to be the one who speak out first and ask what's wrong

Yes I tried and both said they have nothing against me
but acting that way again and again

I've tried so hard
and I never tried so hard in remaining friendships


I guess I know the answer and that will be my way of protecting myself




Its okay
I have enough friends leaving without telling me any reasons
because things change and people change
feeling is something we cannot control




Thanks for teaching, again and again,

Love how it used to be.

I love how you used to tell me what you know
I love how we used to laugh at little things that we thought its silly
I love how I used to be the priority
I love how we used to be so comfortable to stick around
I love how everything looked like we're meant to be
I love how you used to look at me
I love all the -ed


and there are so many more things that I thought I could let go
but how to let go something and someone that you always thought is so perfect and you still think it is?


People pushed me
to look for someone
for the sake of "a better life of me"
they pushed so hard that made me wanna push back, so badly.

nobody knows
nobody will


I mean how anyone could truly understand what I am feeling
in the past
or now?

I have been constantly telling myself its over
but the only one who knows the truth is myself
just myself.


I always wonder when will I move on
who will be the next one
who will drag me out of this

is it gonna be you again
but it will not be



things change
people change

yes I've changed too

to someone that I dont even know anymore

someone that is so afraid to face herself
because she knows her true feeling will hurt her, again.
she knows the thought of going back is just her thought
she knows nothing will be the same
she knows there's no more chance
she knows she should move on
she knows there will be better options, if she's lucky enough
but she knows
she will not have that luck again


she knows
things will never be the same
the future
will not be the same
the same as she imagined
almost ten years ago


push
push those people away
when they try to push you
when you know its not going to work for you

why do you have to hurt yourself again
why do you have to do what they want you to do
why cant you follow your feelings anymore
why are you so scared
why are you hiding yourself from anybody else
why cant you accept the fact



Why do you have to take so long?
he did it so easily.

미친

Yes I am good at telling people I am fine.

Yes I am good at acting that I am fine.

but the more I hide,

the more I suffer at night.

Think I am getting crazier.

Are you really okay?

天天去做 就对了

想做的

能做的

要做的

该做的

都好多

没时间

长大好快

但是

天天去做

就对了

自己加油

Maybe I'm just born to be alone.

原來一個人不可怕

怕的是身邊一堆人

你卻只能夠一個人

一個人聽一堆人笑

一個人聽一堆人鬧

覺得自己做不夠好

該在身邊的人不在

要找的人不應該找

想找的人不敢打擾

你說你幸福

有家人有三餐溫飽

我知道

但是為什麼

還是有那麼多空著

不踏實的

躲在心裡不停的叫

每次決定自己過

都過不到

有些人

不存在不是更好嗎

自己去討要

最後什麼都得不到

✂

都快5年了
你碰過的每一寸頭髮
都該剪掉了

我說我記憶力不好
也只限於與你無關的一切




人怎麼能說忘了
就忘了呢

喜歡一個人

你猜我是
喜歡一個人
還是
喜歡一個人

I found my soulmate, but he didn't.

如果
我可以做到
喜歡一個人
多好

可以自己做自己想做的事
可以不怕不必分享
可以不畏轉過頭沒有述說的對象
可以自己吃飯
可以自己生活
可以自己笑
可以自己看看書
可以自己寫寫字

對我可以自己做到
也一直這樣做了

但是
可以
不代表
我要





如果
可以
喜歡一個人
多好

如果可以
找到
自己喜歡的人
多好